Emotional Numbness

As I grow and years pass by what I have released is there is a strange kind of emotional numbness that sets in for every negative phase or event I go through.. Be it people disappointing me, Be it a situation not working in my favor or anything else which is out of my control.

I recollect my college days or early corporate life when I was brimming with so much energy and passion for what I was doing that every single thing used to affect me a great deal, it used to wreck my day and I used to be on emotional turmoil. But as years are passing by I am sensing a shift towards a strange sense of numbness towards people, situations or big tragic events.. Is it because I have grown and matured as a person or just that I am so used to repeated disappointments that somewhere the soul accepts the reality and anticipates such happening over and over again and yet remain untouched, may be a kind of self defense !!

Whatever the reason is I must admit I love this feeling.. a feeling where you don’t feel any particular emotions of happy, sad, anger, anxiety  towards the person who hurt or a situation, I just let it sit still, I analyze what I contributed to the situation or how I behaved with that person who hurt and if I feel my intent was positive and I did everything I could to improve the situation I feel at peace and I let the other things go.. As a human I cannot control the entire situation, I can only control how I conduct myself or How I react to a situation and as long as in my  inner core I feel I was true and honest and did everything I could with a positive intent then I will let it go, it’s a forgive and forget & move on moment !!

At the end of the day we all want to feel inner peace and a stillness which can wither the external chaos and turmoil and this can come about only if we are willing to forgive ourselves for all the misjudgments we make, we are willing to say it’s ok better luck next time and move on and give ourselves a pat on the back for all the hard work we put in to make things work around us and to enrich lives of those that are around us or dependent on us.

So for me emotional numbness is a great way to deal with issues and resolve and move on without your inner core being affected and wrecked !!

People come into our life for a reason …….

Recent experiences with people and their reactions to some of the circumstances has left a permanent dent in my life, I love people, I love the dynamics of different individuals and also the fact that they teach us a lot, either what we should do or what we should not do, there is something to learn from everyone.

Not all the people who come into our lives stay for long-haul, some have short visit pass and some leave mid-way.. Whatever the time frame of their presence in our life they sure do teach us a lot.

I had recent experience of a very good friend turning aloof and silent, and it was beyond my comprehension to know the reason for the same. It obviously starts off with anger and resentment and turmoil in your own head to understand why a person is behaving the way he or she is behaving and no matter how hard one tries to reason things out there is a vacuum in one’s head which never gets filled and that’s the vacuum which is looking for closure of sorts.

Its ok for people to fall out of any relationship but what is key is to communicate the reason and come to some sort of closure so that the process of healing and letting go can start.

But some people are so complicated and their lives so complicated that they just refuse to face difficult conversations, few years back may be I would have done the same, I would have preferred to maintain silence instead of communicating but having gone through various phases in corporate world and personal life I have realized that communication is so important to make the other person realize how you feel about a situation rather than holding and carrying the baggage all along.

It is so important for our own peace and happiness that we drop the unnecessary baggages of hate, resentment and anger, it is important to de clutter our minds with all the things which are not of any importance for our self-growth and happiness.

For me the way to De-clutter has been to firstly forgive the person who has hurt and disrespected me and then let go of that person from my heart and mind forever, this is the only way to closure and way to look forward.

There is no point in dissecting the situation as this is not going to revive the relationship, if the other person has decided to go then there is no point in you trying to hold on.. We don’t question when people come into our life and the same way we should not question when they leave.

What also has helped me is also to understand and reflect on what this person and situation has taught me,  I try to look for all the positives and take that as life lesson learnt and move forward.

And here I would like to quote a nice write I came across on FB,although not for soul mates, this can be applied to anyone who comes into our lives :-

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Some people are sent by god to our lives to help shake things up so that we see a new path, a new direction in our life that we would never have known otherwise and we need to make sure we don’t sulk on why this person left instead should look forward to this new direction and look at life with renewed energy and zest..

I do not wish too many people come into my life who hurt me and act indifferent but even if they do all I can do is to look for the pieces which will enhance my life and move forward.

We have only one life to live and the time to brood over something that’s over should be short, we need to pick up the pieces and gather ourselves together quickly and face life head on with the newly gained wisdom and confidence……

Some quotes on this topic :-

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” Author Unknown

"Some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason." ---Sharita Gadison

Some Moments are so beautiful and precious that we wish that time stands still and freeze.

My Birthday has never been a great time for me, blame it on childhood experience and my parent’s lack of interest to make this day special for me or the fact that since marriage my hubby never had time to take off on this day due to work commitments, whatever the reason it has for sure left a blank space for this day in my life and I never look forward to this day…

But this year 2012.. started with a bang and I had the most memorable and adorable birthday… started with a beautiful surprise birthday cake and gifts from hubby to my adorable daughter singing “Happy Birthday” song about 6-7 times J , although 6 times was for herself J J

These are the moments that make all the efforts so worth it and this is all I look forward to.. Moments where loved ones take time to make us feel special and wanted and these gestures goes a long way in nurturing the relationships J J

It is not the big parties or the dinner or the gifts that touched me the most, it was the card which hubby very thoughtfully wrote which gave me a sense that I do matter in their lives and that feeling is unmatched.

This has been by far the best birthday and a very special day to remember.