Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.

All my life I have always strived hard to please people around me and make them happy all the time and esp., when it comes to loved ones I have always put their needs and desires before mine and ensured they are happy with what I did for them even if it’s at the cost of me not enjoying the whole process.

Over the course of years I have come to realize doing this is such a emotionally draining task, if we are constantly trying to make people happy then there is no end to it, we will need to keep on doing things to consistently keep up with their expectations and this can be quite daunting.

A good friend of mine told me, it’s time to stop living for others, try living for yourself once!! Although at the time I heard this it did not feel like a big change in the way I was living, all I need to do is to do stuff which makes me happy and it will be fine but when it came to actually executing the same I was faced with innumerable challenges, I could feel more and more people being disappointed with me and distancing themselves from me and all of a sudden I was left with very very few friends and family members.

I was beginning to wonder what happened to all those days when I was relentlessly trying to keep them happy, have they conveniently forgotten those days? Is there something called as a return gesture or even if there is no return gesture is there something called as understanding and let a person be however they want for some time? Well thinking about these things are truly emotionally very draining and in a way you also get to know who are the people who really stand by you and who LOVE you for what you ARE and not for what you DO !!

Having started my spiritual journey and quest for deeper meaning in life I came across a article which mentioned “ Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy, respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness “ and this make a lot of sense to me.. How wonderful would it be if we can love a person for what they are and not build up any expectations or assume responsibility of their happiness, it’s takes so much pressure off you.

I just need to ensure my loved ones realize I will stand by them no matter what the circumstance is and do away with trying to keep them happy consistently... Happiness is a state of mind, I have started to come to believe no one can make anyone happy unless that person decides to be happy and in this case no matter how much I try I cannot make anyone happy so why assume that responsibility?

My dad always says, it’s not worth losing your happiness for anyone and I used to think this was very selfish of him to say such a thing but as I get older I realize where he is coming from, it’s nearly impossible to please all of them all the time, we do need to respect and love them and ensure we guide and seek guidance from our close family and friends but let go of the mission to make everyone happy, its only when I am truly happy with myself I can spread happiness around me and by spreading happiness I don’t  mean I am trying to make them happy but just emitting a positive vibe to people around me and hoping that vibe will pass on.

I have seen many great people who by their mere presence can emit a “Happy Vibe” which is truly a great thing and I have also seen many who carry such negative vibe that they immediately pull you down and I definitely want to be counted among the former group.

Learning this art of balance is not going to be easy but it’s important for me to know how to balance so that at 60 or 70 I don’t end up thinking where did my life pass by and what did I do that truly made me happy ? I am going to introspect on finding the things that make me happy and I am going to spend my time and energy on those than on making people happy who truly don’t value it anyways!!!

So it’s starting now, it’s starting today, Love and respect people, but don’t own their happiness it is something every individual need to own and not depend on other nor expect anyone else to get it for them!!

Art of Letting Go or Getting lost !!

Relationships are hard, they need constant nurturing, care and time commitment to keep it going and this needs to be done by both parties involved in the relationship and this topic is not limited to just husband & wife or boy friend, girl friend sort of relationship, it’s just about any relationship in your life.

While we are busy nurturing the various relationships in our lives it is quite possible we forget about some just coz of other priorities or just lack of interest to take it any further and it may so happen that one of them just give up and hibernate leaving the other person totally clueless of what happened and I hate such circumstances.

Its fine if the other person does not want to pursue the relationship or want to pause for sometime but the basic rule is to communicate the same to the other person involved, it would make life so much more easier for that person not to second guess or assume whole lot of things but to merely give the space and time required by the other person to sort out things and come back.

It just needs little bit of compassion to think about who might be hurt with such aloof behavior and just letting that person know that they are not the reason for them being aloof but other things in their lives which took precedence at that point in time. And even if that person is the reason for being aloof then it’s always good to talk it out and give that relationship a “closure” instead of leaving loose ends, this will hurt but eventually it will help both the parties move on as its clear it’s over and there is no scope to revive this relationship.

Letting go gets lot more easier if both are on same page instead of having to guess – Is it me, what did I say, What did I do etc., etc., I have always found these circumstances extremely disturbing and it just disrupts life around you as you are constantly consumed by the thought of “WHAT” happened ?

Learning the art of letting go, this has been a time consuming and mentally stressful exercise for me, I need to go through the phase of anger, frustration of not knowing what happened, then reflecting & introspecting and then eventually coming out with my own rationale of what must have happened and then move on to change your belief systems and then finally forgiving and letting go.. It’s such a long drawn process and its painful and all this can be saved if people involved in any relationship can be mature about it, have some compassion towards the other person and most importantly have RESPECT for other persons feelings and come out clean with their expectations.

Sometimes you get into relationship thinking it will help enrich your life and there is someone with whom you can talk your mind out and JUST BE YOURSELF but sometimes these sort of relationship takes the most harsh turn and end abruptly which is very very painful to say the least.

Well I do try to connect the dots and try to find silver lining as I go through the letting go and come to terms phase but sometimes it just leaves me more and more clueless and LOST!!

Be True to yourself and your beliefs and cut the hypocritical crap..

How often do we come across people in our daily life who are not true to their beliefs and portrait a totally different image to what they really are.. why is it so hard for individuals to be true to themselves and what they believe ?

Hypocrites are that way simply because they don’t believe in themselves, they can sway anyway easily depending on which way the wind blows, they want to project a image which is not true to their core beliefs, they either want to impress their family, their friends or just try to fit in because they don’t have the bone to stand up for what they believe.

These kind of people are hard to trust as they can be easily influenced into doing anything and its apt to use  a quote by Sigmund Freud   “He does not believe who does not live according to his belief.”

I have come across such people umpteen times who contradict his or her stated beliefs or feelings and every time I am wonderstruck how they can be that way, they profess a certain set of beliefs to the world and when they are in their cocoon and away from the watch of the world their true selves reveal and what’s worst is they try hard not to bring the true self so much so that they somehow start lying to themselves and they start to believe that’s the truth.

If you like doing something then you like it, there are no two ways to it and if you are matured enough and if the behavior is done in a rationale manner and not hurting anyone then what’s the harm in telling your loved ones about it, is it fear of being judged or fear of losing the false image you are portraying in front of them ? And by doing this are we being fair to our loved ones with whom I believe we need to have the most integrity, cause these are the core set of people in life who will accept us for what we are and still give us the same amount of Love and respect and in my opinion projecting a false image to them is like insulting the relationship.

Social networking sites these days also boost and harbor hypocritical beliefs, they see their friends do cool things and just to fit in these individuals project a image which is not true, how many of them are truly revealing their true self, how many of them get depressed just because another person is living a life which these individuals really want to lead and probably ARE but don’t come out in the open as they are scared of losing they false image ?

I just cannot stand such individuals and I definitely cannot put my trust in them, this behavior annoys me to the core and I try and keep away from these individual but this is not always possible, what if one of these individuals is your close friends? How do we then deal with the situation ? We can either choose to ignore it or choose to speak to them about it but either way the issue will not be resolved as they are hypocrites in the first place because they are not strong individuals, they don’t think for themselves and their thinking process is deeply intertwined with what the society dictates.

Learn to be true to yourself and your beliefs then people will invest their trust in you, it is not necessary they will agree or like what one believes but at least they will give that individual respect for standing up for one’s own beliefs.  On the flip side I have seen so many strong individuals who stick to their beliefs and are not ashamed to admit and show the world what they are and I truly admire and respect these individuals even though not necessarily agree or like their beliefs.

We cannot change people, but we have a option to keep a distance from such individuals and maintain a amicable relationship but yes I would think hard before I put my trust in such people and also believe what they say.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true..

                                                                                NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, The Scarlet Letter

A Tiny Star... A proud moment in my life !

January 30^th 2010, 08.02 am is when a beautiful angel came into my life and I saw her for the first time.. It was not Love at first sight for me, my love for Mihika grew as days passed by and I got to know her more, each passing day the love I felt for her just grew multifold and she just enriched my life more than ever.

She changed my perspective towards life, she continues to teach something new every day, she is the reason for my smile each morning and I just love her so much.

Fast forward 21 months later here is my angel going to play school and I cannot forget the first day of her school when she went in crying and came out of the class looking all prettified, it just broke my heart , but as kids they adopt to the changes quickly and she started enjoying her time in school and today she made me proud.

Day – October 4^th 2011, My angel came home with a tiny green star pined on her school uniform and this was for being good in singing and I cannot express in words how proud  and happy I am feeling.

Hope she is blessed with many more such stars and she pursue to do what she really loved to do..

This is definitely a day to remember in my life J