Moments Oh Sweet Moments !!

Moments oh moments

So pure like the dew drops

Moments of discovery

Moments of feeling light

Moments of feeling at ease

Moments of sweet smiles

Moments of sweet nothings

And Moments of pure Love

Moments of oneness &

Moments of separation

Moments of silly fights and moments of making up

Moments of feeling the whole world is beautiful and moments of feeling the whole world has slipped beneath your feet

Moments of great pain, pain that just can’t be expressed and moments of sadness

& then comes moments of change and moment of finally letting go….

Then comes the moment of reflection and the moment of peace

Moments where you know that love need not be possessed it just needs to be..

Moments you nurture your love with all the great time spent and moments where you hide all these moments in the sweet corner of your heart only to be remembered every day to give you strength when you need and give you comfort when you need...
These moments makes you strong and give you the sense of closeness & belief that in spite of distance and time there is someone in this world to hold on to & that the moments will not be forgotten until the last breathe and thus you cuddle the moments and make it your strength and move along with the rest of your life with a sweet smile on your lips and a heart filled with moments of sweet memories to cherish !!

Moments are nothing but Beautiful Time that stands still and life around you numbs ...

Emotional Numbness

As I grow and years pass by what I have released is there is a strange kind of emotional numbness that sets in for every negative phase or event I go through.. Be it people disappointing me, Be it a situation not working in my favor or anything else which is out of my control.

I recollect my college days or early corporate life when I was brimming with so much energy and passion for what I was doing that every single thing used to affect me a great deal, it used to wreck my day and I used to be on emotional turmoil. But as years are passing by I am sensing a shift towards a strange sense of numbness towards people, situations or big tragic events.. Is it because I have grown and matured as a person or just that I am so used to repeated disappointments that somewhere the soul accepts the reality and anticipates such happening over and over again and yet remain untouched, may be a kind of self defense !!

Whatever the reason is I must admit I love this feeling.. a feeling where you don’t feel any particular emotions of happy, sad, anger, anxiety  towards the person who hurt or a situation, I just let it sit still, I analyze what I contributed to the situation or how I behaved with that person who hurt and if I feel my intent was positive and I did everything I could to improve the situation I feel at peace and I let the other things go.. As a human I cannot control the entire situation, I can only control how I conduct myself or How I react to a situation and as long as in my  inner core I feel I was true and honest and did everything I could with a positive intent then I will let it go, it’s a forgive and forget & move on moment !!

At the end of the day we all want to feel inner peace and a stillness which can wither the external chaos and turmoil and this can come about only if we are willing to forgive ourselves for all the misjudgments we make, we are willing to say it’s ok better luck next time and move on and give ourselves a pat on the back for all the hard work we put in to make things work around us and to enrich lives of those that are around us or dependent on us.

So for me emotional numbness is a great way to deal with issues and resolve and move on without your inner core being affected and wrecked !!

People come into our life for a reason …….

Recent experiences with people and their reactions to some of the circumstances has left a permanent dent in my life, I love people, I love the dynamics of different individuals and also the fact that they teach us a lot, either what we should do or what we should not do, there is something to learn from everyone.

Not all the people who come into our lives stay for long-haul, some have short visit pass and some leave mid-way.. Whatever the time frame of their presence in our life they sure do teach us a lot.

I had recent experience of a very good friend turning aloof and silent, and it was beyond my comprehension to know the reason for the same. It obviously starts off with anger and resentment and turmoil in your own head to understand why a person is behaving the way he or she is behaving and no matter how hard one tries to reason things out there is a vacuum in one’s head which never gets filled and that’s the vacuum which is looking for closure of sorts.

Its ok for people to fall out of any relationship but what is key is to communicate the reason and come to some sort of closure so that the process of healing and letting go can start.

But some people are so complicated and their lives so complicated that they just refuse to face difficult conversations, few years back may be I would have done the same, I would have preferred to maintain silence instead of communicating but having gone through various phases in corporate world and personal life I have realized that communication is so important to make the other person realize how you feel about a situation rather than holding and carrying the baggage all along.

It is so important for our own peace and happiness that we drop the unnecessary baggages of hate, resentment and anger, it is important to de clutter our minds with all the things which are not of any importance for our self-growth and happiness.

For me the way to De-clutter has been to firstly forgive the person who has hurt and disrespected me and then let go of that person from my heart and mind forever, this is the only way to closure and way to look forward.

There is no point in dissecting the situation as this is not going to revive the relationship, if the other person has decided to go then there is no point in you trying to hold on.. We don’t question when people come into our life and the same way we should not question when they leave.

What also has helped me is also to understand and reflect on what this person and situation has taught me,  I try to look for all the positives and take that as life lesson learnt and move forward.

And here I would like to quote a nice write I came across on FB,although not for soul mates, this can be applied to anyone who comes into our lives :-

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Some people are sent by god to our lives to help shake things up so that we see a new path, a new direction in our life that we would never have known otherwise and we need to make sure we don’t sulk on why this person left instead should look forward to this new direction and look at life with renewed energy and zest..

I do not wish too many people come into my life who hurt me and act indifferent but even if they do all I can do is to look for the pieces which will enhance my life and move forward.

We have only one life to live and the time to brood over something that’s over should be short, we need to pick up the pieces and gather ourselves together quickly and face life head on with the newly gained wisdom and confidence……

Some quotes on this topic :-

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” Author Unknown

"Some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason." ---Sharita Gadison

Some Moments are so beautiful and precious that we wish that time stands still and freeze.

My Birthday has never been a great time for me, blame it on childhood experience and my parent’s lack of interest to make this day special for me or the fact that since marriage my hubby never had time to take off on this day due to work commitments, whatever the reason it has for sure left a blank space for this day in my life and I never look forward to this day…

But this year 2012.. started with a bang and I had the most memorable and adorable birthday… started with a beautiful surprise birthday cake and gifts from hubby to my adorable daughter singing “Happy Birthday” song about 6-7 times J , although 6 times was for herself J J

These are the moments that make all the efforts so worth it and this is all I look forward to.. Moments where loved ones take time to make us feel special and wanted and these gestures goes a long way in nurturing the relationships J J

It is not the big parties or the dinner or the gifts that touched me the most, it was the card which hubby very thoughtfully wrote which gave me a sense that I do matter in their lives and that feeling is unmatched.

This has been by far the best birthday and a very special day to remember.

Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. Respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.

All my life I have always strived hard to please people around me and make them happy all the time and esp., when it comes to loved ones I have always put their needs and desires before mine and ensured they are happy with what I did for them even if it’s at the cost of me not enjoying the whole process.

Over the course of years I have come to realize doing this is such a emotionally draining task, if we are constantly trying to make people happy then there is no end to it, we will need to keep on doing things to consistently keep up with their expectations and this can be quite daunting.

A good friend of mine told me, it’s time to stop living for others, try living for yourself once!! Although at the time I heard this it did not feel like a big change in the way I was living, all I need to do is to do stuff which makes me happy and it will be fine but when it came to actually executing the same I was faced with innumerable challenges, I could feel more and more people being disappointed with me and distancing themselves from me and all of a sudden I was left with very very few friends and family members.

I was beginning to wonder what happened to all those days when I was relentlessly trying to keep them happy, have they conveniently forgotten those days? Is there something called as a return gesture or even if there is no return gesture is there something called as understanding and let a person be however they want for some time? Well thinking about these things are truly emotionally very draining and in a way you also get to know who are the people who really stand by you and who LOVE you for what you ARE and not for what you DO !!

Having started my spiritual journey and quest for deeper meaning in life I came across a article which mentioned “ Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy, respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness “ and this make a lot of sense to me.. How wonderful would it be if we can love a person for what they are and not build up any expectations or assume responsibility of their happiness, it’s takes so much pressure off you.

I just need to ensure my loved ones realize I will stand by them no matter what the circumstance is and do away with trying to keep them happy consistently... Happiness is a state of mind, I have started to come to believe no one can make anyone happy unless that person decides to be happy and in this case no matter how much I try I cannot make anyone happy so why assume that responsibility?

My dad always says, it’s not worth losing your happiness for anyone and I used to think this was very selfish of him to say such a thing but as I get older I realize where he is coming from, it’s nearly impossible to please all of them all the time, we do need to respect and love them and ensure we guide and seek guidance from our close family and friends but let go of the mission to make everyone happy, its only when I am truly happy with myself I can spread happiness around me and by spreading happiness I don’t  mean I am trying to make them happy but just emitting a positive vibe to people around me and hoping that vibe will pass on.

I have seen many great people who by their mere presence can emit a “Happy Vibe” which is truly a great thing and I have also seen many who carry such negative vibe that they immediately pull you down and I definitely want to be counted among the former group.

Learning this art of balance is not going to be easy but it’s important for me to know how to balance so that at 60 or 70 I don’t end up thinking where did my life pass by and what did I do that truly made me happy ? I am going to introspect on finding the things that make me happy and I am going to spend my time and energy on those than on making people happy who truly don’t value it anyways!!!

So it’s starting now, it’s starting today, Love and respect people, but don’t own their happiness it is something every individual need to own and not depend on other nor expect anyone else to get it for them!!

Art of Letting Go or Getting lost !!

Relationships are hard, they need constant nurturing, care and time commitment to keep it going and this needs to be done by both parties involved in the relationship and this topic is not limited to just husband & wife or boy friend, girl friend sort of relationship, it’s just about any relationship in your life.

While we are busy nurturing the various relationships in our lives it is quite possible we forget about some just coz of other priorities or just lack of interest to take it any further and it may so happen that one of them just give up and hibernate leaving the other person totally clueless of what happened and I hate such circumstances.

Its fine if the other person does not want to pursue the relationship or want to pause for sometime but the basic rule is to communicate the same to the other person involved, it would make life so much more easier for that person not to second guess or assume whole lot of things but to merely give the space and time required by the other person to sort out things and come back.

It just needs little bit of compassion to think about who might be hurt with such aloof behavior and just letting that person know that they are not the reason for them being aloof but other things in their lives which took precedence at that point in time. And even if that person is the reason for being aloof then it’s always good to talk it out and give that relationship a “closure” instead of leaving loose ends, this will hurt but eventually it will help both the parties move on as its clear it’s over and there is no scope to revive this relationship.

Letting go gets lot more easier if both are on same page instead of having to guess – Is it me, what did I say, What did I do etc., etc., I have always found these circumstances extremely disturbing and it just disrupts life around you as you are constantly consumed by the thought of “WHAT” happened ?

Learning the art of letting go, this has been a time consuming and mentally stressful exercise for me, I need to go through the phase of anger, frustration of not knowing what happened, then reflecting & introspecting and then eventually coming out with my own rationale of what must have happened and then move on to change your belief systems and then finally forgiving and letting go.. It’s such a long drawn process and its painful and all this can be saved if people involved in any relationship can be mature about it, have some compassion towards the other person and most importantly have RESPECT for other persons feelings and come out clean with their expectations.

Sometimes you get into relationship thinking it will help enrich your life and there is someone with whom you can talk your mind out and JUST BE YOURSELF but sometimes these sort of relationship takes the most harsh turn and end abruptly which is very very painful to say the least.

Well I do try to connect the dots and try to find silver lining as I go through the letting go and come to terms phase but sometimes it just leaves me more and more clueless and LOST!!

Be True to yourself and your beliefs and cut the hypocritical crap..

How often do we come across people in our daily life who are not true to their beliefs and portrait a totally different image to what they really are.. why is it so hard for individuals to be true to themselves and what they believe ?

Hypocrites are that way simply because they don’t believe in themselves, they can sway anyway easily depending on which way the wind blows, they want to project a image which is not true to their core beliefs, they either want to impress their family, their friends or just try to fit in because they don’t have the bone to stand up for what they believe.

These kind of people are hard to trust as they can be easily influenced into doing anything and its apt to use  a quote by Sigmund Freud   “He does not believe who does not live according to his belief.”

I have come across such people umpteen times who contradict his or her stated beliefs or feelings and every time I am wonderstruck how they can be that way, they profess a certain set of beliefs to the world and when they are in their cocoon and away from the watch of the world their true selves reveal and what’s worst is they try hard not to bring the true self so much so that they somehow start lying to themselves and they start to believe that’s the truth.

If you like doing something then you like it, there are no two ways to it and if you are matured enough and if the behavior is done in a rationale manner and not hurting anyone then what’s the harm in telling your loved ones about it, is it fear of being judged or fear of losing the false image you are portraying in front of them ? And by doing this are we being fair to our loved ones with whom I believe we need to have the most integrity, cause these are the core set of people in life who will accept us for what we are and still give us the same amount of Love and respect and in my opinion projecting a false image to them is like insulting the relationship.

Social networking sites these days also boost and harbor hypocritical beliefs, they see their friends do cool things and just to fit in these individuals project a image which is not true, how many of them are truly revealing their true self, how many of them get depressed just because another person is living a life which these individuals really want to lead and probably ARE but don’t come out in the open as they are scared of losing they false image ?

I just cannot stand such individuals and I definitely cannot put my trust in them, this behavior annoys me to the core and I try and keep away from these individual but this is not always possible, what if one of these individuals is your close friends? How do we then deal with the situation ? We can either choose to ignore it or choose to speak to them about it but either way the issue will not be resolved as they are hypocrites in the first place because they are not strong individuals, they don’t think for themselves and their thinking process is deeply intertwined with what the society dictates.

Learn to be true to yourself and your beliefs then people will invest their trust in you, it is not necessary they will agree or like what one believes but at least they will give that individual respect for standing up for one’s own beliefs.  On the flip side I have seen so many strong individuals who stick to their beliefs and are not ashamed to admit and show the world what they are and I truly admire and respect these individuals even though not necessarily agree or like their beliefs.

We cannot change people, but we have a option to keep a distance from such individuals and maintain a amicable relationship but yes I would think hard before I put my trust in such people and also believe what they say.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true..

                                                                                NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, The Scarlet Letter